finishing what I started
I woke up bright and early this morning despite not really sleeping well last night. I got ready for work, picked up my dusty laptop bag, and headed to work. I had to refresh my memory on how to get there last night, I even had to pull out my business cards because I forgot what floor I was on. Upon arriving, I noticed a new building where there once was an open field right next to my office. I parked, took a deep breath and started walking, all the while wondering what the hell I was going to say as I walked in. I found my way to my old desk and saw that someone else was sitting there and that my old coworker (that I was to check in with) was nowhere to be found. So I turned towards the stranger and asked where she had gone. He politely asked if I was RJ and introduced himself and showed me to my old coworker who had taken up residence in the nicest and most private office on the floor.
She showed me around, introduced me to the numerous new people and reintroduced me to the old people. When I went on disability, the San Francisco office numbered probably 12-15 people max. It had grown to a healthy 20. I had expected a lot of questions about my illness. Only a couple asked how I was doing in "that way". I'm sure it will come up in conversation soon. I only had a few words with the new people... and I definitely felt akward hanging out with my old coworkers, but I have to give them a lot of credit. They definitely reached out and gave me a friendly welcome.
The Fedex box I had packed my laptop in greeted me at my desk amidst stacks of stuff from my old desk: files, notebooks and some photo-frames. I ripped it open, plugged it in, and logged on for the first time in 12 months.
It took 3 hours to download 12,000 emails dating as far back as October, 2005. Later that day I was to spend a while trying to quickly sift through what was unimportant and what I might eventually need or want to look at. I have about 3,500 left to look at tomorrow (or maybe tonight, if I want to a superstar).
I spent much of the day by myself... sorting through old paperwork, old emails, and setting my computer up. I joined my old coworkers for lunch downstairs and was updated on the exciting things going on in their lives: new homes, new cars, engagements, and babies, promotions... and all that. I only wish I had stories to share as well. It will take some time before I get settled again like that.
The material is mostly coming back to me. I was able to create a report today and I even helped someone with excel. That felt good. Just staring at the mountains of data and reports was intimidating though. I won't be comfortable until I'm a master of it, which will definitely take a few months. But at the same time, it felt right to be using that part of my brain again and I was reassured. Amongst many other things that I love and feel confident doing, I was born to work to with data, I was born to work in research. What I need right now is to be awesome at something again.
Turns out this Friday is the company holiday party. I haven't decided on going yet.
The drive home was more difficult than the drive up this morning. An accident near the airport caused heavy traffic and it took nearly an hour and a half to get home. The last time I took this drive, it was before daylight savings time and the sun still lingered about at 6pm. So the darkness and the traffic kind of made me tired, and I thought after working for awhile it should surely affect me more. Right before going on disability I was looking for a place to live. It will take me a couple of months to get back on track, but I was reminded of the need to move closer to the city.
So there it is.
When I was out I scoured the internet trying to find out exactly how people go back to work after disability. I found nothing at all. Looks like I have to write this one out and share the story myself.
Here's to second chances.
She showed me around, introduced me to the numerous new people and reintroduced me to the old people. When I went on disability, the San Francisco office numbered probably 12-15 people max. It had grown to a healthy 20. I had expected a lot of questions about my illness. Only a couple asked how I was doing in "that way". I'm sure it will come up in conversation soon. I only had a few words with the new people... and I definitely felt akward hanging out with my old coworkers, but I have to give them a lot of credit. They definitely reached out and gave me a friendly welcome.
The Fedex box I had packed my laptop in greeted me at my desk amidst stacks of stuff from my old desk: files, notebooks and some photo-frames. I ripped it open, plugged it in, and logged on for the first time in 12 months.
It took 3 hours to download 12,000 emails dating as far back as October, 2005. Later that day I was to spend a while trying to quickly sift through what was unimportant and what I might eventually need or want to look at. I have about 3,500 left to look at tomorrow (or maybe tonight, if I want to a superstar).
I spent much of the day by myself... sorting through old paperwork, old emails, and setting my computer up. I joined my old coworkers for lunch downstairs and was updated on the exciting things going on in their lives: new homes, new cars, engagements, and babies, promotions... and all that. I only wish I had stories to share as well. It will take some time before I get settled again like that.
The material is mostly coming back to me. I was able to create a report today and I even helped someone with excel. That felt good. Just staring at the mountains of data and reports was intimidating though. I won't be comfortable until I'm a master of it, which will definitely take a few months. But at the same time, it felt right to be using that part of my brain again and I was reassured. Amongst many other things that I love and feel confident doing, I was born to work to with data, I was born to work in research. What I need right now is to be awesome at something again.
Turns out this Friday is the company holiday party. I haven't decided on going yet.
The drive home was more difficult than the drive up this morning. An accident near the airport caused heavy traffic and it took nearly an hour and a half to get home. The last time I took this drive, it was before daylight savings time and the sun still lingered about at 6pm. So the darkness and the traffic kind of made me tired, and I thought after working for awhile it should surely affect me more. Right before going on disability I was looking for a place to live. It will take me a couple of months to get back on track, but I was reminded of the need to move closer to the city.
So there it is.
When I was out I scoured the internet trying to find out exactly how people go back to work after disability. I found nothing at all. Looks like I have to write this one out and share the story myself.
Here's to second chances.
posted by RJ at 11:57 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home