uncertainty and one of it's many demons.
Hello world.
It has been awhile hasn't it? Approximately 5 years ago it quickly began and 2 years became an eternity and then slowly but surely I regained semblance of a livable life. According to whatever can be trusted online 5 years is what I've been informed as the typical onset with symptoms progressing, then stabilizing, within a five-year period.
In October of this year, I noticed dystonic symptoms slowly reappear. First in random instances in my hand or in my neck and then more and more as the days wore on. It has come to the point where the subconscious trick has reemerged where I lie to myself that fighting it or grabbing it with my free hand might somehow stop it from happening. It's almost as if it never went away, because it really exhibits itself exactly the same as it did before. I really can't tell you what it feels like, because I really can't will it or feel it happening. I just know it's happening. It's like a out of body experience, except I'm still in my own body.
Why, after 3 healthy years, is this happening now? I think perhaps it's because somehow I became vain and proud and, in many ways, indestructable again and the world and universe had to put me in place. How can I be strong if I'm not allowed to be weak sometimes?
In many conversations with my friends, family, and coworkers, there's an unsettling feeling of uncertainty in the world. And I can't forget that there has been a great deal of things to deal with, things that I might easily forget or cruise over that are really affecting me. There must be some kind of repurcussion from subjecting my body, mind, and soul to stress without relief. Yes, I do this to myself (with the help of the world around me).
It's time to slow down and seperate myself from the things that ail me.
It has been awhile hasn't it? Approximately 5 years ago it quickly began and 2 years became an eternity and then slowly but surely I regained semblance of a livable life. According to whatever can be trusted online 5 years is what I've been informed as the typical onset with symptoms progressing, then stabilizing, within a five-year period.
In October of this year, I noticed dystonic symptoms slowly reappear. First in random instances in my hand or in my neck and then more and more as the days wore on. It has come to the point where the subconscious trick has reemerged where I lie to myself that fighting it or grabbing it with my free hand might somehow stop it from happening. It's almost as if it never went away, because it really exhibits itself exactly the same as it did before. I really can't tell you what it feels like, because I really can't will it or feel it happening. I just know it's happening. It's like a out of body experience, except I'm still in my own body.
Why, after 3 healthy years, is this happening now? I think perhaps it's because somehow I became vain and proud and, in many ways, indestructable again and the world and universe had to put me in place. How can I be strong if I'm not allowed to be weak sometimes?
In many conversations with my friends, family, and coworkers, there's an unsettling feeling of uncertainty in the world. And I can't forget that there has been a great deal of things to deal with, things that I might easily forget or cruise over that are really affecting me. There must be some kind of repurcussion from subjecting my body, mind, and soul to stress without relief. Yes, I do this to myself (with the help of the world around me).
It's time to slow down and seperate myself from the things that ail me.
posted by RJ at 4:06 PM
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